Secrets
by Penguin Chicky
Summary: My first FanFic so please be nice Sara was devastated when Grissom left their lives four years ago and she found out she was pregnant. What will happen when when he reenters her life and finds out he has a daughter. GSR all the way. Now complete
1. Chapter 1

Looking under her bed Sara continued to look for Lucy's shoes before deciding to look under the sofa for a second time. Although her three-year-old daughter had many pairs of shoes, because of her 'fish faze' as Sara like to call it, only her Nemo shoes would do. Finding them behind the bathroom door Sara quickly graped her hand bag along with Lucy's pack pack thinking that she would have to put them on when they got to day care. Working only part-time in the lab every Thursday morning was an ordeal, with Lucy having had her mother's attention all afternoon the day before and until Monday morning after her Thursday shift, Lucy tried to delay going to day care every time. Running 10 minutes late was not good but being a single parent was something Sara had dealt with since the moment of her baby's birth. Arriving and helping Lucy with her shoes Sara kissed her daughter three times for each year of her life and one for luck before making it into work 20 minutes late. 

Running into the room to dump her stuff she quickly managed to get to her workstation before anyone had noticed. Unfortunately Catherine who was now working on days saw Sara, "hey late again that's not good if Ecklie was here ..." looking up into her friends face Sara could see Catherine's smile and replied matter of factly, "well if someone had not hid their shoes again I would have been here on time"  
Getting back to her work Sara was surprised when she looked up again a few minutes latter to see Catherine still standing there with a worried look on her face. "Sara I need to tell you something," looking upset Sara walked over to the strawberry blonde wondering what was happening. Stating to talk Sara breathed in deeply as Catherine said his name but was shocked to hear what she said next. "He is coming back to work here?" Sara asked in desperation. "But,  
but," was all she could manage. Catherine who was now speaking more quietly told Sara she wanted her to hear it from her as she was the only one who knew who Lucy's father was. Unable to comprehend what was going on Sara only just gained her breath back as the man in question came into the room. "Sara," was all Grissom could manage before shifting his focus to Catherine whom he needed to talk with.

Although she did not want to take a lunch break Catherine convinced Sara to come with her to a diner down the road to talk things through. The first to fill the silence Catherine began. "your going to have to tell him, he is going to be in charge every time you walk though that door." Sighing Sara knew Catherine was right but felt she still needed to argue her case, "I could say it was a one night stand after he left ...," stopping in mid sentence Catherine shook her head. "Sara as soon as he sees her he will figure it out." Still not satisfied Sara continued, "you and everyone I know have told me a million times that we could be twins, my colour hair, my ears." Smiling Catherine knew she had to say it, "but as soon as he looks into her baby blue eyes and sees himself? Knowing she was loosing the battle Sara nodded her head before taking a sip of her coffee the only problem was when and where was she going to tell her daughter that in fact that yes she did have a father Working on a steady stream of evidence all day Sara was also conscious of Grissom. Although they had not spoken she could feel him watching her all day and although each time she had turned around he was looking away, she knew he was near.

Managing to finish most of her work before knock of time at 4pm Sara quickly changed into her normal clothes and escaped from the office before having to see him again. Parking at Lucy's daycare Sara saw her daughter and ran into the center to hug her baby. More than happy it was Thursday afternoon Lucy began happily chatting away about their up-coming swim at the local pool. An avid swimmer as a child Sara was more than happy to see her daughter take to the water like a dolphin in their mommy and toddler swim class. Thrashing around for more than 45 minutes in the pool Lucy was more than happy to go bed without fuss after dinner knowing the next three days she would have her mothers undivided attention.

Folding washing while watching some lame TV movie of the week Sara was more than happy to turn it off when she heard knocking at the front door of her appartment. Shocked to see Grissom at her front door Sara did not know what to say but froze when she heard her daughter who was standing behind her.  
Turning around still stuck for works Sara had not noticed Grissom standing in the living room staring at his daughter. Taking her thumb out of her mouth Lucy broke Sara's trance, "Mommy, I'm thirsty." Remembering where she was Sara picked up her daughter and carried her to the back bedroom. After getting her daughter something to drink and stroking her daughter's head until she fell asleep, the only thing that would get her to slumber she walked slowly back to the living room hoping Grissom had gone. Turning around when she walked in he looked in her eyes and said quietly, "we need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, the story came to me when watching a movie with this really cute three-year-old in it.

As it was my first story I forgot to put a disclaimer at the beginning of the first chapter. So here it is - I do not own any of the characters (except Lucy),

I will try and put up a new chapter every day as I like to write before going to sleep.

Also I hope this chapter makes things a bit more clearer, obviously Grissom has some secrets of his own but I felt a bit of back story would help it come along a bit.

Also sorry about the changes to the second chapter as I am having teathing problems with this website! As it will not allow page breaks??? So as you can see I made my own.

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Starring back at Grissom Sara nodded her head, "I think we could both use some strong coffee," watching him sit himself down on the sofa as he stared at a number of photos of Lucy, Sara walked into her kitchen and remembered back to nearly four years ago.

Things were going so well, after five years working together Grissom was finally talking to Sara and in a good way. Of course talking had lead to sex but they had their whole lives ahead of them as she believed at the time.

Walking into his apartment Sara walked through to the bedroom and flopped down - it had been a long day.

Working together and having a relationship was harder than she had imagined. Working on cases together all Sara wanted to do was jump him at any available opportunity.

Looking up as Grissom walked in the room she could see he was upset. Reaching out for his hands Grissom pulled away, "Gil whats wrong?" Shaking his head he sat down on the bed and began to speak, "I have to go, I can't tell you why".

Unable to grasp what he was saying Sara started feeling ill as she looked over and saw two suitcases packed.

"But but," was all she could manage.

Feeling like the floor was about to open up Sara used all of her power to keep from crying.

Still sitting down Grissom suddenly stood up and started talking again without looking Sara in the eye. "I'm leave tonight, I'll call you, I don't know when I'm coming back."

Still in shock to hear the love of her life announce his departure Sara could not handle it and she spat back at him. "Go, do whatever you want it's not like we have anything together is it."

Storming out of Grissom's town house Sara speed home and cried herself to sleep. Although he tried to call a number of times over the next six weeks Sara refused to talk to him or answer the many messages he left for her, she also refused to open the letters he had started to write to her.  
After another few weeks Sara was going to force herself to call him until she heard from Ecklie that he was never coming back.

"What!", she shouted at the packed meeting.

Noticing Ecklie look at her Sara shut up and decided to listened to what he had to say.

Looking in Sara's general direction Ecklie continued, "As I was saying before Miss Sidle rudely interrupted me I received Mr Grissoms formal resignation a few days ago and although it will come as quite a shock to some of you," now looking directly at her she started sinking back in her chair as everyone looked at her.  
Clearing his throat to gain the crime labs attention again Ecklie continued, "As you will now be aware we have a vacancy to be filled and I would like all applications from those interested on my desk in two days, any more questions, Ecklie asked before adding, "right now thats sorted back to work."

Crying herself to sleep every night Sara was beside herself, how could he do this to her - to them. Unsure what was going on Sara started to feel ill every morning before finishing her shift. Having felt numb since he had left she had not suspected anything until Catherine suggested she take a pregnancy test.  
Her worst fears confirmed, Catherine guessed who the father after her strange behavior and her outburst at the meeting and suggested she ring the father to be.  
Sara knew Grissom didn't want her or else he would never have left and ringing him out of the blue to tell him she was expecting his child would only cause pity, something she could not stand.

After deciding that to hide her pregnancy was something that would not be possible she came out and told her co-workers. Many were shocked at the news never thinking she was the mothering type while Greg and Nick felt it was both their responsibility to propose marriage.

Looking down at Nick, Sara muffled her laugh as she closed his hand around the ring. "Thanks Nick but getting married is not going to solve any problems,  
only create them." Still feeling he had a chance Nick started again, "Sara I know you don't love me in that way but every kid needs a dad." Smiling as she stood up Sara hugged Nick and whispered in his ear, "thanks."

Although she thought Nicks proposal was sweet Sara just could'nt stop laughing as Greg walked up to her a few days latter and said, "Lets get hitched, although Sara was looking at Greg like he had been abducted by aliens he continued,  
"just think about it in less than an hour you could be Mrs Greg Sanders." Patting him on the arm Sara gave Greg a hug and thanked him for his thoughtfulness but said she would probably be throwing up in an hour as it was about time for her morning sickness to kick in for the day.

Thankful no-one else tried to propose she was great full when Catherine offered to be her baby go to lady. Looking sceptically at Catherine she continued, "what ever you need call me no matter what time day or night." Hugging her new friend Sara was thankful as she had thousands of questions.

The logical choice for her birth coach Catherine was with Sara for the 28 hours she was in labor and was more than touched when Sara asked her to be Lucy Elizabeth Sidle's godmother.

Unsure what type of mother she would make Sara was struck by how quickly she fell in love when her daughter was placed in her arms for the first time.  
Gazing into her daughters blue eyes she was suddenly hit with the realization that she would never loose Grissom as she would have a part of him forever.

Coming back to reality Sara poured out the two drinks and headed into her lounge.

After joining him on the sofa she looked up at Grissom and said, "where do I start."


	3. Chapter 3

Yeah! A new chapter, sorry it is short ... it was a lot longer but after reading my first attempt this morning I thought it was CRAP so decided to re-write it. Anyway with the way the story is going I now have a better idea for upcoming chapters. And let me say things are going to get interesting as Grissom still has not told Sara what is going on. Anyway I hope you all enjoy ... thanks again for the reviews, keep them coming. Also I will not be able to post anything until later tomorrow as I have to travel to South Wales and back, (fun? not!) 

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"We need to talk," Grissom spat out at Sara as she came back into the living room.

Taken aback by Grissom's anger Sara did not know what to say and sat down on the sofa.

Grissom who was pacing the floor pushed his had through his hair before stopping in front of Sara. "OK, I left but did you not access to a phone.?"

Feeling anger rise in her Sara stood up to face Grissom, "oh so I'm the bad one am I,"

Cutting her off Grissom stared her in the eyes, "All I did was leave, you _chose_ not to answer my phone calls or letters, you denied me the right to even know about having child, what you did was far worse".

Sara who was back sitting on the sofa was wiping away tears trying to speak before being stopped again. Seeing her tears Grissom rolled his eyes, "spear me Sara."

Using the back of her sleeve to wipe away tears that kept coming Sara used all of her strength to stop from hitting him. She had been alone and afraid, feeling she had no other option. But trying to get Grissom to listen to her was not going to happen.

Still pacing Grissom suddenly picked up his jacket and headed for the door, before closing it behind him he addressed Sara again, "I will be over first thing to formally meet my daughter, unless I need to talk to my lawyer?" Seeing Sara shake her head Grissom pulled the door closed.

Feeling numb Sara sank to the floor and buried her face in her hands and continued to cry. It was bad enough that he abruptly left her four year ago but we would not let her even explain why she did not contact him about Lucy.

Getting her courage back Sara found the phone and with shaking hands and dialed a number.

"Willows", unable to speak Sara tried to say something but could stop crying.

"Sara, are you OK", hearing Sara cry so many times over the years Catherine could tell who was calling.

"I'm coming over I'll be there in 10," Catherine continued.

"Th thanks," Sara managed to squeak out before putting the phone down.

Entering Sara's apartment Catherine walked straight over to her and set down on the sofa and leaned over to give her a hug.

Rocking Sara quietly until she stopped crying Sara pulled away from the embrace and dried her eyes with a tissue from Cath.

"He, he was just so horrible," Sara began. "I know what I did was wrong but he left and I didn't know what to do." Taking Sara's hands Catherine breathed in, "it must have been a huge shock for him, coming back after four years to find he has a child, it must be hard for him."

Sara stood up and started pacing up and down unsure of what she should do, "where is he staying I need to speak to him." Looking Sara in the eyes Catherine knew there was nothing she could say and gave Sara the address of a hotel on the strip. After getting her keys and bag she asked Cath to tell Lucy she had gone out for milk if she woke up.

Unsure what she going to say to him Sara calmly asked for his room under at the front desk before taking the elevator to the forth floor.

Getting to room 1672 Sara breathed in before knocking. Hearing movement from inside she was taken aback when Grissom answered the door and saw the emotion on his face. Stepping inside she could see a bottle of Whiskey on the table looking him in the eye Sara was about to speak when Grissom pulled her into him with a devastating kiss. Wanting to pull pack Sara was amazed when her tongue went into his mouth to meet his and she started leaning into his kiss. Closing her eyes,  
her body awakening for the first time in years she suddenly went cold as he pulled away from her. Unsure of what to do Sara started to speak to Grissom as he walked away and looked out the window. "If you could just listen," spinning around again Grissom looked into Sara's eyes before whispering, "I think you should go,". Feeling the tears come back Sara was happy Grissom could not see her walk out of the room with fresh tears in her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey everyone, thanks again for the reviews;-) Here is the next chapter ... sorry if it is a bit slow at the moment but things will speed up ... anyway I need to add a new disclaimer about Finding Nemo that I mention in this chapter... I do not own Finding Nemo or the rights to the movie but think it is really great so I decided to add it. So please do not sue me wonderful Disney people LOL. Also I do not own CSI except a few box sets ...

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Laying in bed Sara ran her right index finger across her lips.

Only a few hours before it was lip-locked with someone she never thought, never dreamed she would ever see again.

Turning over to look at her bedside clock the neon light blinked back at her, it was only 4am and in three hours time he would be back at her apartment.

Stopping herself from crying again Sara knew she had to stay calm for Lucy's sake, her daughter would take the news much better if her mother was not emotional.

Thanking her daughter's curiosity it would not be too hard explaining who Grissom was after her recent questions about dads and where hers was.

Hearing a noise coming from the other room she saw her daughter as walked up to the side of the bed.

Picking her up and giving her a hug Sara whispered, "Can't sleep ha?, that makes two of us."

Lifting up the covers and placing her daughter inside she started stroking her forehead, lulling her back to sleep.

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Waking up a few hours later and getting herself and Lucy dressed she made some toast (fish shaped for Lucy using a cookie cutter).

Drowning the remainder of her coffee as she watched Lucy eat her toast she breathed out slowly. Holding her little hands and looking in her eyes with a huge fake grin Sara began,

"Lucy, you know how Nemo has a dad," smiling in reply Lucy nodded her head.

Keeping her voice steady she continued, "well today your dad is coming to visit, would you like that," Sara said through her big smile trying to keep the mood happy.

"I have a daddy",? Lucy asked surprised.

Feeling her heart break Sara nodded her head "yes of course you do silly billy", keeping from crying Sara picked up Lucy and gave her a hug and kiss before telling her he would be over to meet her soon.

Running up the hallway to grab her stuffed Nemo Sara went still as she heard the knock, opening the door she saw Grissom with a huge teddy bear and stood aside so he could come in.

Looking around Grissom spoke without looking directly at her, "have you told her?

Breathing in again Sara managed to answer him,

"ye .. yeah she should be right out."

Hearing a male voice from the lounge Lucy who suddenly became very shy walked slowly up to her mother with out stretched arms indicating she wanted to be picked up.

After retrieving her daughter Sara walked them over the sofa and sat down, sensing the delicacy of the situation Grissom sat down at the other end holding the bear.

Whispering to her daughter that this was her father Lucy looked into Sara's eyes for permission before looking at Grissom without letting go of Sara's neck.

Looking up at Grissom and seeing the heart ache he must be feeling she decided to take direct action.

Staring him straight in the eye with a huge grin, she asked, "what's your bears name".

Taking his cue Grissom who also now had a huge smile looked down at the bear,

"I'm not sure but he told me in my car that he couldn't wait to meet Lucy, the bear told me that she would know his name."

Both now looking at Lucy who was smiling she unwrapped her arms from Sara and went to meet the bear who she quickly named Nemo.

Although the next few hours were strained Sara tried to keep her distance so the pair to spend time together only entering the scene if Lucy needed her.

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As lunch time approached and Lucy started getting tired Grissom said it was time for him to go home.

Spending their time playing with Lucy's many toys Grissom had found out about Lucy's fascination with fish.

Looking up at Sara for permission he asked his small daughter, "I have a great idea, how about tomorrow I take you and your mom to a special place with lots of fish,"?

Squealing with delight Lucy asked, "will we see Nemo,"?

Unsure what she was talking about Grissom looked up at Sara who with a big smiled answered, "maybe munchkin we will have to wait and see, but now you need to eat your lunch."

Getting up Lucy hesitantly walked over to Grissom and have him a small hug before skipping and singing, "fishes, fishes,".

Walking over to open the door Grissom avoided Sara' s eyes as he told her he would pick them up at 9am.

Wanting to say something else Sara was stopped as Grissom called out to his daughter, "see you tomorrow Lucy."

Looking over at her father Lucy answered back with her mouth half full, Bye bye Daddy," shocking both parents into even more silence.

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With Lucy happily watching Finding Nemo, Sara was more then pleased when Catherine came over that evening with pizza and beer for their normal Friday night girls night in - Sara as usual supplying the chick flick and chocolate ice-cream.

Setting the pizza down after handing Sara the beer Catherine walked over to Lucy who jumped up with her arms upstreamed for a hug.

Picking her up and giving her a kiss Catherine asked Lucy if she had a good day,

"I meet my daddy and he is taking us to see fish tomorrow," smiling back Catherine asked her to say hi to Nemo knowing it was her fault after buying her goddaughter the DVD for her third birthday.

Coming from the kitchen Sara picked up Lucy and told her it was time to go to bed and after accepting another kiss from Catherine, Lucy fell asleep in record time after half way through her second story.

Walking back into the lounge and picking up a slice of pizza Sara sunk into the sofa as the opening credits of the movie started.

Although these nights had started out so Sara could have some time with an adult both woman now looked forward to their time together to eat bad food, drink beer and have a bitch session about whatever was going on in their lives.

After telling Sara about Lindsey's latest boyfriend she looked over at her friend, "you OK?

Sitting up and looking at Cath, Sara nodded, "yeah its strange but Lucy was so happy today, if only I had known" ... trailing off Sara smiled back at her friend as she took another beer.

Deciding to leave the comment Catherine looked at TV and started to watch the movie.

After the movie finished and the women drank coffee talking about all of the changes that the lab was facing.

Sara looked at Cath in amazement repeating what she had said to make it make sense, "Grissom will be in charge of days, great!", she said sarcastically before adding, "and I didn't think my life could be any more fun."

Laughing at her remarks Catherine placed down her coffee and replied, "well at least you will be in the lab and not out in the field with him." Smiling back Sara was grateful that at least someone could see the bright side.

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FYI: for the purposes of this story I felt it was easier for Sara and Grissom to be working in the day with Lucy as I am sure most day care in the USA does not go 24/7


	5. Chapter 5

A new chapter ... thanks for the reviews ;-) I feel another disclaimer coming on ... I have never been to Vegas let alone the Mirage so do not know if they have the fish I mention later in the story ... so I am sorry if I am wrong but for the purposes of this story they do. So I do not own or have any rights for the Mirage or FAO Schwartz or CSI, or Barbie ... Thanks again for reading.

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Waking up suddenly Sara opened her eyes to see Lucy shaking her awake.

Looking at Lucy and the huge smile on her face she guessed she had not overslept.

Seeing the dawns light outside and her bedside clock registering at just after 5am Sara breathed in knowing it was going to be a long day.

Although she tried to get Lucy to sleep for another hour she gave up in frustration as Lucy decided instead to dance around singing her "fishies, fishies," song again and again.

Admitting defeat against the three-year-old Sara got up and made them an early breakfast.

Trying to get Lucy dressed turned out to be the second mission of the day.

"I want to wear Nemo!", shouted Lucy as Sara tried to pull a dress over her head while Lucy kept pulling the other way.

"And I said you cannot wear your Halloween costume outside of the house," Sara answered back exasperated.

Changing tact Sara said, "well Nemo has stay hear but I know Lucy wants to see some fish," biting her lip Sara hatted tricking her daughter like this but she felt she had no other option.

Suddenly realizing what was at stake Lucy stopped struggling and allowed Sara to help her finish dressing.

After putting her daughters hair in pigtails Sara smiled. Yes she would fully admit that she would not normally spend almost an hour getting her daughter ready in the morning but then again she did not want to look like a bad parent in Grissoms eyes.

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Drinking her third coffee of the day Sara smiled as Lucy sat on the floor finishing a picture she had started the day before.

Hearing the knock on the door Sara was surprised, Grissom had always been one to be on time but seeing that it was just after 8am she knew he must be as excited as Lucy.

Managing to open the door as Lucy stood behind her Grissom looked Sara and said "hi" and was about to say something else before being pulled away by Lucy.

"Hi ladybug," he said as she pulled him into the apartment and over to her drawing.

Taken aback that Grissom looked at her in the eyes and that he already had a pet name for his daughter Sara did not initially see Lucy offer Grissom her picture.

Seeing the expression on his face Sara's heart melted, although just a lot of squiggles on some paper Grissom was looking at it as if it was a prize Monet.

Looking at his daughter he asked gently, "are you sure you want me to have it."?

Nodding her head Lucy began explaining the squiggles she had drawn, "thats me and Nemo and were swimming."

Not wanting to break the moment Sara sat down and watched as Lucy ran over to her the bookshelf to get a book.

Still watching as she climbed into his lap Lucy opened to the first page indicating for him to start reading.

Quite taken aback Sara watched as Grissom got out his glasses and started softly reading.

Walking into the other room Sara started to feel incredibly sad and angry at herself.

Why, why had she not picked up the phone or at least read the letters before sending them back to him.

Brushing away a few tears Sara suddenly decided that although she had made the wrong decision she could make up for it now.

Happily watching Grissom read to their daughter after the forth book Lucy suddenly remembered their outing jumped up and started her "fishies, fishies", song again.

Smiling at Grissom, Sara decided to break the ice, "um I think we should take my car, it has her car seat and the time it take to get that thing secured you would not believe."

Nodding back Sara was pleased to see a less angry Grissom and although she wanted to continue the conversation she told Lucy to find her shoes.

With Lucy buckled into her car seat Sara gave Grissom the keys and told him to drive as he knew where they were going.

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Arriving at the Mirage's lobby aquarium Sara was forced to hold Lucy's hand she she was her daughters eyes grow to the size of dinner plates.

She knew this look and was terrified she would run off like she did whenever they entered any toy store.

Happily accepting Grissoms hand when he offered it to her he knelled down and began to explain some of the different fish that were swimming in the tank.

Unable to understand all of the information he was saying Lucy suddenly pointed out and shouted, "pink fishy!"

Trying again to explain that in fact it was a jellyfish Lucy stopped him again as she pointed out and shouted, "blue fishy!".

Finally understating that a three-year-old probably was not interested in technical details of the various sea life in the tank he pointed out to Lucy, "look a yellow fish."

Smiling at the game Sara realized she was holding back but remembering her decision at home decided to take part.

After walking along the tank playing their game Sara saw the object of Lucy's obsession.

Leaning into Grissom and whispering so Lucy could not hear she told him to point to the orange clown fish.

Taken aback by their close proximity Grissom looked again in Sara's eyes before kneeling down to Lucy and saying, "look an orange fish".

Before Sara or Grissom could react Lucy started dancing around as she chanted "Nemo!, Nemo!, Nemo!"

Now ecstatic Lucy along with her two awkward parents spent their remaining time watching the little clown fish who to Lucy's utter delight was soon joined by another slightly bigger clown fish quickly identified by Lucy as Nemo's dad.

Reluctant to leave until they found Dory, Sara quickly explained after being unable to find a Blue Tang that Nemo's friend was probably spending time with Bruce her shark friend.

Happily accepting the answer and after buying a few souvenirs Lucy took the hand of from her parents and happily walked to the car.

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After lunch at a child friendly dinner Grissom took them to FAO Schwartz.

Knowing he was making up for lost time Sara instead of worrying was delighted and slightly amazed as Lucy picked out her first Barbie and some new books.

Driving home Sara was not surprised when Lucy fell asleep.

Carefully lifting his daughter out of her car seat and carrying her inside Sara and Grissom put their daughter to bed.

Walking out quietly Sara smiled again at Grissom and was happy to see it returned.

"Um, did you want to stay for coffee," Sara asked.

Shaking his head Grissom answered, "its getting late, I should go. I was thinking I could come over tomorrow maybe,"

Nodding her head in agreement Sara walked Grissom to the door, smiling as he walked away she was amazed to her herself as she  
yelled out "bye ... Gil,"

Turning around and smiling, Grissom answered, "Bye Sara, see you tomorrow."


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone! Yeah it is the weekend. Tonight should be fun as I am going to a birthday / Guy Falks party! Exciting for me as they have not banned fire rockets in the UK like they have in NZ. Anyway ... last night covered a lot of ground and have finished the next chapter but I need to go into more detail before I can post it. Thanks again for the reviews! Also as a word of warning I am thinking about changing the rating to M ... soon. Anyway the normal disclamers ... I own nothing etc etc

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Looking into the microscope again Sara tried to concentrate on the evidence in front of her.

It had been three months since Grissom had walked back into her life and Lucy was flourishing with two parents.

Sara, however, could not stop thinking about him. He was at their apartment most nights to have dinner and to put Lucy to bed and every weekend to take Lucy out.

Sneaking to look again she saw Grissom walk past and look into her lab her stomach doing a slight somersault thinking she once had him but had thrown it away.

Feeling her cheeks going bright red Sara quickly looked down only to hear Grissom come inside.

"Sara, when your finished could you come into my office," Grissom asked.

Looking up Sara nodded her head, "su sure Gil" ... she managed to say hoping she did not look like a tomato.

Smiling at him she said, "I should be done in 10."

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Breathing out as she opened the door to Grissom's office she was praying that Grissom was not going to chastise her for her lack of motivation and the fact that she was was staring at him whenever he ever walked past.

Seeing that Grissom was engrossed in his paper work Sara cleared her throat to gain his attention as she sat down on a chair.

Looking up Grissom took off his glasses and rubbed his temples before beginning.

"Sara, I am not sure if you have heard ... but Johnston is leaving us for Miami."

Looking up in surprise Sara started to feel a bit more calmer as he continued.

"I cannot say I will miss him, he did not have enough experience and there have been a lot of concerns about his work."

Nodding her head in agreement as Sara had heard rumors about the CSI but she was taken aback as to way Grissom was telling her.

Grissom who was now looking Sara in the eyes continued, "the reason I am telling you this is because we need to replace him."

Looking slightly uneasy Grissom picked up another case file and opened it before looking at Sara again.

"I know working lab hours are better in terms of day care issues, but I need to to come back into the field, your skills and expertise are wasted behind that microscope."

Quite taken back by what Grissom had said and scared that Grissom had seen her staring She hesitated, "yeah I know. But I need to pick Lucy up at the same time everyday."

Frowning Sara continued to look at Grissom as she tried to re-position herself in the chair, "you know how it is, we get a case and it's not like we can stop.

"I remember when we used to pull triples to close a case."

Seeing Grissom smile at the memory Sara was about to continue but was stopped, "I know Sara but I have more flexibility now, and I seem to be in the office a lot and if it came to the worst I could always watch her until your finished."

Realizing this was the opportunity she needed to get her career back on track she began to warm to the idea.

"OK, but if it does not work out you will have to let me go back to the lap." Seeing Grissom nod before standing up Sara followed suit and thinking he was about to shake her hand was stopped dead as he leaned in to give her a kiss on the check.

Unable to move Grissom welcomed her back and told her he would bring take out tonight to celebrate.

"Yeah that sounds great, its me and Lucy's swim class tonight so see you about 6pm," seeing Grissoms eyes widen Sara raised an eyebrow as he began to talk.

"Oh, your swim class Lucy was telling me all about it last night and I was wondering if maybe I could come along."

Feeling her checks turn red again Sara nodded not knowing what to say. "Ye .. yeah OK," she managed to splutter, "um do you want to meet us there or ...?"

"Well I was thinking we could go together and I could pick you up tomorrow for lunch and then you could get your car back," Grissom suggested and to his great relief Sara agreed.

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Seeing both of her parents walk into day care Lucy run over to be hugged by both in turns before happily getting into her car seat.

Looking in the rear view mirror at her daughter Sara stopped her chatter, "guess who is coming to watch you swim," replying, "daddy is!" Sara was overcome again as she heard the excitement in Lucy's voice as she started to tell Grissom about their weekly swim.

Feeling more self conscious of herself then she had in years Sara was very aware of her bikini. Looking up and seeing Grissom who she guessed was thinking the same thing she decided to quickly get in the pool to avoid any embarrassment.

Happily swimming for 45 minutes Sara was more than happy to get out of the pool and see Lucy run over to ask Grissom if he had seen her.

Smiling to herself Sara was sure he had seen Lucy but was also aware he had been watching her the whole time.

Relieved to get home Sara put on Finding Nemo for Lucy while she ate her Happy Meal while Grissom served up the Chinese food they had chosen.

After managing give Lucy a bath and having been read three books Lucy went to sleep after asking for her dad to stroke her head.

Walking into the living room Sara smiled to herself although a little of put that Lucy had asked for Grissom she knew it was because he would stroke her head for longer.

Walking into the other room Grissom happily accepted the coffee and the couple spent the next 10 minutes making small talk about some of the changes in the Field.

"I read that article that was published last year," Sara began.

"Yeah well after leaving I needed something to focus on and ..." unable to believe what she was hearing Sara put down her coffee and looked in Grissom's eyes.

"wh why did you leave," Sara painfully whispered wanting to know the truth but not wanting to push him away.

Seeing the pain in Grissom's eyes he stood up and started to pace the floor much like he had the night he found out about Lucy.

Feeling tears well up again Sara managed to stop her emotions as she went over to Grissom.

Seeing Sara stand up Grissom looked Sara in the eye, "It was my mother ... she had ... has cancer, she needed me," he managed to say before walking back to the sofa.

Knowing that she could not say anything Sara suddenly felt a terrible pain come over her. His mother had been ill, he needed her and she had pushed him away.

Sitting beside him Sara quietly whispered, Gil ... is she OK.?"

Tears falling down Grissom shook his head, "I talk to her daily but she is not telling me the truth. Her doctor called me yesterday, he told me it has come back ... I'm not sure what's going to happen."

Seeing his pain Sara pulled Grissom into her as he started crying. Loathing herself even more Sara could not believe herself she was so wrapped up in herself at the time when she should have been there for him.

Feeling him pull back Grissom got up, "I am flying out tomorrow at 3pm to see her, I wanted to tell Lucy in person that I will be away for a few days."

"Gil ..." Sara tried before Grissom smiled and kissed Sara on the lips before walking over to the door.

"I'll be over at noon?" Grissom said.

"Um OK, but Gil we need ... I need," she whispered back.

"Sara it's OK," well talk when I get back," he answered before giving her another kiss and walking away.

Closing the door behind her Sara sank to the floor ... all of these years and all of the time she had missed and it had been all her fault.

Wiping away her tears Sara breathed in and out deeply, Grissom had needed her then but the past was something she could not change.

Sanding up Sara made another resolution to help in any way she could ... it was the at least something she could do.

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FYI Yeah! ... she finaly knows! Also there is still more drama to come ... I am not about to go into happy family mode ... yet anyway!


	7. Chapter 7

Wow ... you guys and your reviews are amazing a very big thank you and hug for all of you. Also I do apologise if there are spelling errors as I am using Word Pad at the moment as I still need to get a copy of word and the spell checker on this site was not working today?

All the ususal disclamers etc etc, I do not own anything ... enjoy.

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Watching as Sara drowned her second beer in under 10 minutes Catherine asked Sara mocklingly, "I'm guesing this has nothing to do with Grissom".

Looking at the strawberry blonde Sara felt her cheeks blush again, "its that obvious ha," she answered after placing her head in her hands.

Looking up to see Catherine's smile her friend began to ask how Lucy had taken the news of her fathers three day trip.

"She was upset but he is going to ring every night and he even purchased her favorite book so he can read it to her before going to sleep," seeing Catheine nod her head Sara continued.

"I am the worst person in the world, there he was ... terrified his mother is going to die and I won't take his calls, I return his mail and didn't even tell him about Lucy."

Looking up at the celing Sara asked, "do you think I'm going to hell for this?"

Smiling back Catherine answered, "well if you do I am sure to be there with you."

Unsure if it was the beer reaching her head on an empty stomach or the joke Sara began laughing loudly before putting her mouth in front of her mouth in an effort to not wake Lucy.

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Unsure if meeting Grissom at the airport was the right decision Sara decided to go anyway as Lucy was going stir crazy for her father.

Seeing him walk out Lucy immediatly ran out before Sara was able to stop her.

Running up she was going to tell off her daughter but was stopped as she saw the two hug and act as if they had not seen each other for a year.

"Hi Gil," Sara managed,

"I know you were not expecting us but Lucy has been talking about you non-stop," she added hoping he would believe her.

"No, thats OK, I missed my lady bug too," Grissom said while trying to tickle Lucy who was now on the floor.

Upset that Grissom was not more forth coming and had given no indication that he had missed her Sara brushed it off and suggested they walk out to the car.

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Sara knew it must have been hard for Grissom and she felt unable to ask him more than what he was willing to say.

Yet since Grissom had come back she felt as if they were back at square one.

Yes he was still coming over everyday but somehow he was not there.

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Looking at the clock it was neary 7pm and Sara could not find out anything new with the case she was working on.

To her it was a cut and dry ... Grissom however begged to differ.

Deciding it was time to go home Sara found Lucy playing with her Barbie being watched by Judy in reception and after asking Judy to tell Grissom she had left she walked outside into the parking lot.

About to open the car door Sara heard Grissom call out for her.

Turning around she Grissom and he did not look happy.

"Sara, I know its getting late but you need to tell me before leaving so I know where you are."

Rolling her eyes, "I know Gil and I did tell Judy but Lucy is getting tired and I cannot find anything else from those samples ..."

Sara knew she was starting an argument but felt this was the only way she could get Grissom to truly speak to her.

Ten minutes latter Sata told Grissom that they would have to agree to diagree as it was getting past Lucy's bed time.

Looking around not able to see Lucy, Sara started to feel ill and time seemed to slow down.

"Lucy," she shouted, "Lucy," ... feeling the world colapse beneth her Sara began running between the other cars looking for her daughter who was nowhere to be seen.

Running his hands through his hair Grissom saw Jim.

"Lucy ... shes gone ... she was right here, Oh god, if anything has happened."

Immediatly calling for backup on his radio Jim yelled at a couple of cops to start looking for a brown-haired,  
blue eyed three-year-old wearing jeans and a pink top after Grissom told him what she was wearing.

Running over to Sara, Grissom saw her on the ground holding the Barbie he had bought Lucy on their first outing.

"Oh god ... my baby," Sara sobbed, "its my fault ... I started an argument with you ..., Lucy!" Sara started screaming again.

Immedietly pulling her into a hug Grissom managed to lead Sara inside to his office telling her Jim and every available officer in the area was searching for her.

Shaking uncontrolibly with tears streaming down her face Sara was beside herself, "Its my fault," she cried out.

Pulling Sara towards him and rocking.

"Shhhh, its going to be OK, she must have wondered off, there going to find her any minute."

The couple stayed in the hug for 20 minutes before Catherine rushed in and Sara started crying again.

"My baby, ..."

Half an hour latter Sara was sitting on the sofa looking into space with Grissom holding her hands before pulling her into another hug.

Both now crying in desperation they did not initally see Catherine burst into Grissom's office.

"They found her, she's fine," she shouted before running back into the hall.

Both rushing into the hall they both ran up to Jim who was carrying an upset but OK Lucy.

Sara pulling her into a hug on the floor she started a fresh round of tears, "Baby, where were you, you scared me to death. "What would I have done if anything ever happened to you ... your my life."

After both parents had hugged and kissed Lucy, Sara and Grissom sat on the sofa in the break room to listen to Jim.

"We found her six blocks from here, she told us that she saw a woman walking her dog and decided to follow her, when she realised where she was she started wandering not sure how to get back," Jim said quietly not to wake up Lucy.

Feeling fresh tears Sara hugged Lucy close to her cheast as she breathed in her seant while Grissom stood up to grab Jim and give him a bear hug to say thank you.  
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Both watching their daughter sleep Sara looked over at Grissom and smilled while whispered, "I .. I do .. don't know what I would have done today without you," she said while she felt fresh tears come down.

Standing up Grissom followed Sara out as she went and sat on the sofa both not wanting to wake Lucy up.

Sitting beside her Grissom held Sara's hands. "It's not your fault ... I should not have seen that you needed go get home."

Bursting into tears again Grissom pulled Sara into a hug and gently rocked her until she stopped.

Hearing her breathing become steady he realised she must have fallen asleep.

Gently picking her up he carried her into the bedroom laid her down before quickly taking off his shoes and laying down beside her.

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Waking up a few hours later Sara was amazed to feel Lucy one side and Grissom on the other.

Not wanting to ruin the moment Sara closed her eyes again and smiled while happily listining to her two favorite people sleeping beside her.


	8. Chapter 8

Hello all! Thanks for all the reviews, they do make me want to update sooner;-) Anyway I feel this story is almost at an end and I will post the last chapter or so by tomorrow. I have a really great idea for my next GSR fic but will not start until this is done. Enjoy

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Opening her eyes Sara reached out and was disappointed to find her bed empty.

Deciding to get up Sara started walking down the hall but was stopped dead when she heard giggling and Grissom shushing Lucy.

"We want it to be a surprise don't we, you can carry the syrup and I will take the pancakes."

Not wanting to ruin the surprise Sara ran quietly back into her room and got back into bed.

Hearing them walk in Sara opened her eyes and gave a big yawn pretending she was just waking up.

Jumping onto the bed Lucy sat down in front of Sara and squealed, "look Mommy me and Daddy made you some pancakes with chocolate."

Smiling at Lucy who was covered in chocolate and at Grissom who was covered in flour she guessed that they were having a great time.

Sara happily accepted her first breakfast in bed while Lucy started happily chattering, "Daddy said he was not going to work today and said we could go to the park."

Looking over to Grissom, Sara smiled, "that sounds like a great idea", before digging into her breakfast.

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The next few weeks were the best Sara had experienced in many years.

Not only was she communicating with Grissom like never before once Lucy was in bed each night they were making out and groping each other like love sick teenagers.

Supposed to be working Sara was thinking about planning a night with just the two of them when she saw Grissom run past the lab.

Seeing that he was upset Sara followed him into the locker room as he began getting things out.

"Gil ..." she asked with no response "Gilbert Grissom look at me," she shouted.

Looking around and seeing Sara he stopped for a second, "Sorry, it's my mother," sitting down Sara immediately followed as Grissom started crying.

Holding his hands Grissom began speaking again, "Sh she passed away, the hospital just called, I need to go ..."

Feeling upset Sara quickly stood up and went to her locker to get her bag.

Seeing her get up Grissom stood up, "Sara you don't need to do this ..." stopping him Sara looked him in the eye.

"Your mother has just died, you don't think I am going to just stay here. You need support, we will go and get Lucy and go back to my place where I can pack some things and you can book our flights, OK."

Seeing him nod his head she got out her phone to call Catherine to tell her where they were going before walking out to her car.

"We'll take my car I don't think your in any state to drive."

After picking up Lucy, who was excited to be picked up before lunch, they got back to the apartment to pack and book plane tickets.

After booking flights to LA for that afternoon Sara quickly packed two bags.

Calling for Lucy to pick some toys she walked into the lounge to see Lucy arranging all of her stuffed toys around Grissom who was crying.

Sitting down to watch what was happening she was amazed at how a three-year-old could deal with emotions she would never have encountered before.

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Feeling the plane leave the runway Grissom suddenly grabbed Sara's hand in a tight grip before turning to her, "thanks I don't think I would have been able to do this without you."

Smiling back Sara leaned into a kiss before looking out the window when promoted by Lucy who was excited on her first ever plane journey.

Arriving at the airport just before dusk Sara went and booked a car to drive to his mothers house.

Slightly taken aback Sara was suddenly hesitant when walking through the front door knowing that she should have been here many years before.

After Grissom had gone to the hospital Sara unpacked a few toys for Sara to play with while she sat down and tried to read a newspaper she found at the front door.

A few hours later Grissom came home with take-out and after explaining that the funeral would take place in a few days they explained to Lucy about her Grandmother before settling down to sleep in a spare bed-room.

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Coming back into the living room Sara could see Grissom sitting looking at a photo of his mother.

Sitting down beside him Sara took his hand into hers.

"She was beautiful, I am so sorry that I never got to meet her," she whispered.

Putting down the photo Grissom looked into Sara's eyes, "I can't believe she's is gone, "I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you or Lucy,".

Now looking into each others eyes Grissom moved forward to kiss Sara.

Kissing back Sara happily followed Grissom as he led her into the other spare room without their lips breaking contact.

Quickly removing each others clothing Sara began to shiver in anticipation as Grissom moved his mouth from her lips down to her neck the then to one of her breasts.

Sinking her nails into his back Sara arched herself back wards as she started to moan in the back of her throat.

Hearing her appreciation he took her raised nipped into his mouth while rubbing her other with his spare hand.

Feeling like she was about to be pushed over the edge Sara managed her pull Grissom back up into another extended kiss before starting to kiss his chest.

Now both desperate to touch and explore each other after so long Sara was slightly taken back when Grissom suddenly pulled them apart and started to look around for something.

Seeing his erection Sara smiled before pulling him back onto her feeling him against her stomach.

"Don't ... worry ...," she said through kisses, "I'm on the pill."

Stopping again Grissom raised an eyebrow, pulling him back down again she whispered in his ear, "my wishful thinking".

Being enveloped into another kiss Sara suddenly gasped for air as she felt him enter her.  
Sara suddenly felt whole, although they had slept together before this time it felt different.

Slowly building up a rhythm they were both happy with Grissom held on as he watched Sara and finally let go as he saw her orgasm so they could experience it together.

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Happily cuddled up next to Grissom, Sara was giddy - this was everything she had wanted.

Moving up to his ear Sara quietly whispered, "move in with us".

Picking Sara up Grissom pulled her on top of him and whispered, "try and stop me," before pulling Sara closer into another kiss.

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I hope you enjoyed, it was my first attempt at smut so please be nice.


	9. Chapter 9

The last chapter yeah! I hoped you all enjoyed it as much as I liked writing it. I am in the process of writing my next fic which I hope to start posting in the next few days so please keep your eyes out. Thanks again for all the kind words and reviews.

Disclaimer: I won nothing CBS does.

Sitting quietly with Lucy, who was fast asleep, on her lap Sara looked around the room.

She was not surprised at the many people who had came to the wake.

Grissom had been amazing giving an wonderful speech about his mother and the joy she had bought to so many people's lives.

Watching him sign to his mothers many deaf friends Sara wished she could have met her.

Closing her eyes and resting her head for a moment on Lucy's she looked up to see Grissom walk over with a coffee.

Sitting down beside her Sara happily accepted the coffee as she watched Grissom.

"Penny for your thoughts," Sara asked after taking a sip of the bitter liquid.

"I was just thinking about how I managed to bag the two most wonderful women in the world," he smiled back before kissing her on the check.

Smiling back as Grissom walked back to the crowd she smiled to herself wondering how she managed to turn her life around to include such a wonderful man.

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Moving Grissom's stuff into her apartment was easier than Sara thought after discovering that most of his stuff was already packed away in storage.

Although Grissom only had a fraction of his stuff in the apartment it was starting to become cramped and it did not help that Lucy was asking for a dog at every opportunity after meeting Grissom's tarantula.

Waiting for her weekly breakfast in bed Sara heard giggling coming from the hall and smiled in anticipation.

Seeing her two favorite people walk through the door Sara raised her eyes up to see Grissom holding a blindfold.

Looking from Grissom to Lucy, Sara realized that they must have something planned that had nothing to do with tying her up - although she liked the idea if Lucy was tucked away in bed.

"We have a surprise for you Mommy," Lucy giggled before Grissom asked Sara to get dressed and to meet them in the lounge with no questions.

Sitting in the passenger seat Sara could not see anything but calculated that they were approximately 20 minutes drive away from the apartment.

Coming to a stop Grissom helped Sara out of the car and guided her along for a few yards before whispering in her ear, "you can take it off now".

Allowing her eyes adjust to the light Sara looked at the house in front of her before looking at Grissom.

"I figured we needed more space, especially if we are going to get that dog," he answered before Sara pulled him into a kiss.

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Looking around the house after being carried over the thresh hold Sara walked through the different rooms as Grissom explained what they could be used for.

After giving her a kiss in the master bedroom he slowly walked her to another smaller room next door.

Turning around he looked into Sara's eyes before speaking, "I was thinking that we could use this for a nursery,".

Feeling tears well up in her eyes Sara nodded her head before seeing Grissom bending down into one knee.

"Sara," he began, "you are the most amazing woman who I have every met, you are the mother of my child and I want to make Lucy all over again with you, will you marry me?"

Seeing Sara crying Grissom stood up and pulled her into an elongated kiss.

Not wanting to break apart they suddenly saw Lucy standing watching them.

Afraid her daughter was upset she was relieved to see her smiling as she shouted out, "There is a pool outside."

Telling her they would be out in a minute Lucy happily skipped down the hall while Sara looked Grissom in the eye.

"Looks like you made both us our dreams come true,".

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One year later:

Grissom held his daughters hand tight as they walked through the many corridors until they reached room 1045.

Seeing Lucy run quickly over to the crib bedside the bed to see her new baby brother Christopher, Grissom sat down beside his wife and picked up her hand.

Smiling at her husband and then across at her two children Sara knew the life could not get much better then this.

THE END


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